The first thing I think of is a 1980’s TV game show. The second thing I think about is a distant told story or two that my mother would remember – about my aunt so and so and her conflict with cousin so and so and how mean & nasty things could get.
I personally, did not have direct experience with family feuding growing up. Perhaps it was the military upbringing – which quite frankly created conditions where we were not around extended family. There was limited opportunity to be drawn Into situations or perhaps my family did a great job of minding there own business and made choices to stay out of others disagreements.
Whatever the case, as an adult I am truly grateful family feuds were not a part of my normal upbringing. That does not mean major family disagreements don’t happen in my house! In fact most everyone is so headstrong that disagreements are a regular part of family life. (Of course living one house down from my mother adds interest.)
What is the difference between family “feuding” and disagreements? When we are in disagreement it gets resolved. Usually, both parties recognize their part, their emotions and both sides desire the same conclusion over all, which is resolution.
I have always believed that family is our greatest teacher. In fact it is our children that teach us the most. How could they not? They are so adept at pushing every button, stretching us thinner and thinner only to give us a great big hug and fill us right back up with love again. What powerful beings they are!!!
The focus of this article, however, is how family is there to make you stronger. Whether you are in a dysfunctional family or one that honors and holds family boundaries, your family is the energy you chose in spirit to come here to support you to access all of who you are. Now sometimes it’s a little difficult to see how a painful or stressful event is really a spiritual development opportunity in camouflage!
Somehow we get in our mind that family is supposed to ‘be there’ for us, that they are supposed to ‘ get us’ or ‘accept us’. It is that very belief that is causing grief in your life. You have expectation of them and you resent their expectation of you. Unintentionally you take action that creates less acceptance & more resentment! Interesting.
What if you STOPPED seeing family with any ‘supposed to ‘ attached – set yourself and your family free! What if mom was just that lady that is eclectic? Man, she sure holds onto stuff. What if granddad was just that guy who likes things just his way and because you know this you simply accept it as his choice (not yours). Now it isn’t a personal attack (even though in the beginning it still feels that it is) when he voices his opinion in opposition of your choice.
Family is the core where our habits start and where they will end. (Your close friends and family are likely to be the people that “trigger” your old habits of behavior.) To help you change the patterns with friends or family, I have put together a “Pocket Guide” to support you in managing your energy.
1. Be Conscious. There is a difference between knowing what you are getting into and digging a ditch for someone energetically. When you are with family and you have expectation of what everyone will be like, you are digging a ditch for someone to land in. Being conscious keeps you open to all possibilities.
2. Prepare for family encounters. When you are prepared you stay in expectancy. When you plan on an event happening, you are in expectation. Have your tool kit ready: When you go in ungrounded and in your head you are already digging a ditch. So if the conversation takes a turn, have a plan. Rather than react, excuse yourself from the conversation and go take a moment (in the bathroom, get something you “forgot” in your car, etc). Allow yourself to practice doing things in a new way.
3. Be in the moment (present). Always do what is best for you and that will be best for everyone involved. Sometimes being present means to take a moment and breathe. Know your declarations and use them to bring you back to center.
4. Be detached.When you catch yourself reacting, say: That is unnecessary (and use your tools!).
5. Active Listening. If someone wants center stage, let them. You will create your own definition of each relationship as you actively listen.
6. Regroup. Stay centered and grounded. When you have had enough, do what is best for you. (When you are clean, you set a healthy boundary: Tell them
to go home, you go home or go for a walk). To get out of a conversation: Lean in and put your hand on their arm or leg and say: I am looking forward to hearing the rest of your story AND I need to go make this call (or go help with dinner, etc.)
7. Be responsible for your energy. Make sure you have an outlet. When you are changing the way you relationship it is helpful to have someone who willlisten. Form a partnership with someone you know who shares the goal of healthy relationship – call each other when you need someone to listen. And remember, I am always here for you.
It is our expectation of others – their beliefs, actions, words – that causes the friction. Shift your expectation and become free!
Love, love, love! Triné
your physical world during this period of transformation, and allow it to support you while you release what is not serving your life. This is a powerful time of accelerated transformation, however, it requires you to let go of the struggle so that you can experience success. Again, the fluidity is in allowing the physical world to support you on this trek – like a gentle stream, it flows with the curve of the banks, following the path of least resistance, however, over time it carves out a new path and redirects the flow of water.
growth, and deeper insight. This weekend is sure to shift your perspective and expand your consciousness.
beautiful setting full of green trees, ocean beaches, farmland with abundant waterfowl and wildlife. We are on the Chesapeake Bay waterway, and minutes from several naval bases as well as just a quick jog to North Carolina. So much to see and do here – kick-off your fall vacation with this weekend of interpersonal growth.
World Peace Meditation
fresh start. Create a short-term and a long-term list. Just about every area of your life benefit from this new moon. Some even refer to it as the luckiest new moon of the year!!
Life is Love! 